If you’re a fly on the wall in my home this month, you’ve come to the right place. It might be 5 degrees outside, but as usual The Man is feeding the woodburning stove like it’s a starving whale, and it’s warm and cozy in here. Like…shorts and tank top warm. So hang out for a while and see what’s happening around here, and then check out the links below to see what’s going on in 14 other bloggers’ homes!
older sisters came for a visit – a cause for much excitement since my oldest sister Khym hadn’t been here before and I was tickled they were both coming. They drove six hours to get here…which is a pretty big effort!
My 60th birthday is coming up in a couple of months, and since no one in their right mind would drive here in the winter, they brought lots of fun little treats to celebrate early. Fun gourmet goodies, crafty stuff, music. Loved it! They also brought SLIDES! You know (or maybe you’re young and don’t know) old-time photographs in little squares of cardboard that are projected on a screen. Or bumpy wall. I could probably write a complete blog on our attempts to make the slide projector work, but in the end we got to see ourselves as children and teenagers. Good times!
The running joke was yelling “GET IN MAH BELLEH” in a deep voice every time I popped up on the screen, because I was SO fat. And my wonky eye and big tongue got a whole lot of laughs too. Damn, I was a mess.
We had fun with sister Jenny, who is officially known as the “Crazy Chicken Lady” now. We watched videos of her chickens, and laughed at her because she lets one sleep in her bed! Honest, it’s true!
And just because we couldn’t resist, while she was out in the dark on our front sidewalk, The Man went behind the house and blew on one of his predator calls. We heard her footsteps running for the porch, and she came skidding into the front door.
Now…if you came into the house after hearing something like that and saw your sisters laughing hysterically, wouldn’t you guess you’d been punked? Nope. She was insistent she’d heard something creepy. We laughed ’til we cried, and she finally figured it out. Snort.
Jenny also likes ice cream. A lot.
The Man: “The ice cream is on the counter”
Jenny: “Great. I will help myself immediately so there’s enough for me.”
Love those girls!
Oh, and one more sister story…and this one’s a doozy! They called on their way home, very excited, to tell us they’d seen a moose. In fact, not just one moose, but several. Apparently they were very skinny, but I said that was normal – they weren’t big and fat like cows, more muscle than fat. It didn’t even occur to me to question it, even after they said there was a mama and babies. Kind of the wrong time of year for that.
When the picture was posted on Facebook my son took one look at it and started laughing. They’d driven by a place that creates metal sculptures. Skinny??? Um, yeah…like maybe 1/2-inch thick. We all got a kick out of that, even the sisters.
Two days later, my son saw a huge bull moose. He described it to me and added “and it wasn’t even cut out of sheet metal”.
Speaking of game…last month in my Fly on the Wall post I described the disgusting elk head that was putrifying and stinking to high heaven in our backyard. I complained so vociferously that The Man went out there to cut the remaining dead crud from the skull so he could bleach it to hang in the Man Cave.
Unfortunately, he nicked himself with the knife. Do you have any idea how quickly that kind of bacteria turns into blood poisoning? At the speed of light, my friends.
After a week of pain, suffering, whining, Urgent Care, and a follow up at our doctor’s office, (and some really impressive peeling of his skin) the red line is gone and The Man is back to normal. The $75 that he was saving by cleaning the skull himself instead of letting the taxidermist do it ended up costing us a hell of a lot more.
Shaking my head. Just…………..shaking my head.
He’s pretty pumped up this year, though. He got his elk and a deer. He didn’t manage to shoot a bear for the trifecta, but he has been pounding his chest pretty thoroughly. Every time he starts a sentence with “So, there I was…” we all run from the room. Example:
The Man: “So, there I was. It was icy cold when I saw the deer in the distance.”
Me: “Why don’t you write a book so you can have it published and no one will buy it.”
He wants us to call him “The Legend” now. I know his gloating is (sort of) in jest, but I still might have to have a special shirt made for him for Christmas.
We all got our deer this year. I’ve decided this is the last time I’ll do it, but we have lots of meat in the freezer…a great feeling. I don’t have any objections to hunting per se; we use every bit of that meat. But I agonize over it when it is me who is doing the dastardly deed, so I’m leaving it up the guys from now on. Still, he was a beauty!
My daughter posted this status: “Drinking coffee and swearing at the sewing machine. More like my mama every day, and proud of it!!” Yep. She probably learned more cuss words watching me try to sew than she did from her brothers. And yet…we keep trying. 🙂 Little Mack’s “Oompa Loompa” costume was worth the angst though!
I was feeling indulgent, and hit the kitchen on a mission. The resulting pastry was enough to put each of us into a sugar coma. I’m going to let the picture do the talking; the link is here for Pumpkin Cronuts.
The dogs are shedding. After pulling dog hair out of my mouth twice during the night, I mentioned that the sheets needed to be changed. Walking into the bedroom I see that the sheets have been pulled and left in a wad on the bed. A little later, this conversation occurred:
The Man: “Did you see I stripped the sheets for you?”
Me: (After a pause to think about the “for you” part of his question) “Um. Thank you. Do you mean for US?”
The Man: “For us.”
I started pulling the pillow cases off the pillows.
The Man: “Oh, you want to wash the pillowcases too?”
Me, dumbfounded: “One usually does wash the pillowcases along with the sheets.”
I cannot die. Ever. He wouldn’t survive.
Lord Voldemort: “Much like the female orgasm, the G-spot is a myth.”
No one can question why he’s still single.
I spent 6 glorious days visiting “the coast”, which means Seattle. I bounced from house to house freeloading off of friends from my past, and had a blast with 4 bloggers whom I’d never met. Ate too much, drank too much, spent too much, drove too much, and slept too little. All in all, a perfect trip! I’d add some funny stories, but you know….what happens on the coast stays on the coast!
Now I think I’m ready to hunker down for the winter!
Now buzz over to these great blogs – these ladies are seriously FUNNY!
Baking In a Tornado
Stacy Sews and Schools
Just a Little Nutty
The Sadder But Wiser Girl
Follow Me Home
Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
Spatulas on Parade
Someone Else’s Genius
Go Mamma O